Someone has done a visual representation of the comparative nationalities of the casualties in the current conflict between Israel and Lebanon.

I wouldn't go here, but the banner headline on the right-wing Moonie rag the Washington Times today was "9 ISRAELIS DIE IN LEBANON" which I thought was astonishingly convenient selectivity even for the Times; this seemed an eloquent response.

From our Public Urination Correspondent, on assignment in Honduras. The sign says, "IT IS PROHIBITED TO URINATE HERE! Thank you for your understanding. 500 Lempira fine."

Isabel is talking more and more every day, and picks up new words at a terrifying rate. She’s also putting them together in new and interesting ways. She sometimes now speaks in sentences, but their grammar is distinctly Isabelian. Isabel herself is never referred to in either the first or third person. Verbs take the form subject verb subject: “Daddy go Daddy.” Sentences having an object drop the verb entirely, as in “Mama: shower” or a newly popular game entitled “Daddy: boo.”

Daddy: boo works like this: Isabel comes down the hall, either of her own accord, or because she is being chased by her mother. I then leap out from a place of hiding and shout, “boo!” After a moment of surprise, Isabel then giggles uncontrollably and runs the other way down the hall, declaring, “Daddy: boo! Daddy: boo!”

We recently got the following cover letter from an applicant for a job on a prospective project in a developing country. English is a difficult language, and you don't want to laugh at people who miss the mark when they're trying really hard to get it right.

Except when you do:

Dear Sirs or Madams ;

I know very clearly & absolutely before to submit my submissional application for the post-recruited requirements that. my status quos will be completely approved or so ratified based on the recruitmental requirements of criteria, as for I graduated from Agro-forestry Realms. Meanwhile I am highly & hugely trying at my best efforts to post for this vacancy with heavily long-desired rayhopes that based on my supreme graymatters plusing with my well-accumulated experiences in working for several foreign-based firms as well as projects, & I have accrued a lot of skills or so specialization in various matters & manners...I make risks to submit for the aforesaid post with long-desired hopes that you will see through my sensitively & briliantly particular status quos, & I deplore you all to give me a chance to work for your corporation. I confirm with you that I will not make you disappointed & I will prove my supreme liase abilities, hugely Graymatters-accessible triumphancies... & my superiorated talentedness to do my job at excellent duties, & your Firm will obtain heavily & hugely, giantly benificiaries, money, time, skills, to harness for any foremost authorized spheres or so realms in terms of commercial dealings or so business's affairs kinds of transaction...& much more things if you see far enough to employ me. Meanwhile I want to use the ever worldwide well-known Prophet's saying named Archimes 770 BC that he ever said "give me a firm place to stand & I will move the Earth ". For the time being, I am highly awaiting for your far-reaching & well-judged determinative resolutions. I am highly awaiting for your carefully chosen assessment to my special case, & I hope to work for your Firm for a long & sustainable terms.

Yours Faithfully,

[Applicant]

Learning American values, part one.

Learning American values, part two.

Trying, without success, to make friends in the sandbox.

Riding a difficult to describe thing at the playground.

Feeding her baby doll.

In 1998, I faced a serious personal dilemma. The World Cup was coming to a close, and the last two teams standing were preparing for the final. The World Cup final is the biggest event in soccer, something people talk about for decades afterward. It’s an exciting thing for any soccer fan.

My problem was that I just couldn’t find a way to care.

It was the teams. I’m sorry, Brazil may play beautifully, but their attitude stinks. They waltz into the opening stages acting bored, score a few goals on hapless opponents, and only act like they’re halfway interested during the last couple of matches. Besides, who wants to see Brazil win their 97th World Cup? It’s like rooting for the Yankees.

And France? Well, they’re just so French. One of the great tragedies for me about the tenure of the Bush Administration is having to live with the awful knowledge that the French have it right, and we have it wrong. It really rankles.

But it really isn’t nearly as much fun to watch a match like this as a complete neutral. So I consulted a friend – let’s call him the Wise Man – who gave me some brilliant advice. If France lost, they would still be happy just to have made it that far, and Brazil would prance away with another trophy. But if France won, it would be a national scandal in Brazil. True, the French would be insufferable about it, but some things can’t be helped. The path was clear: root against Brazil. It was the lesser of two evils.

Sadly, today I face a similar circumstance. France now face Italy in the final on Sunday, and I simply can’t being myself to care about either team. No matter which one of them wins, we will be subjected to years of yammering from commentators and pundits telling us how the victor was vindicated – France of the accusation that they’re a bunch of elderly duffers who can’t kick a ball off their home field, and Italy of a dreadful refereeing scandal that is rocking their domestic game – by the result. I simply can’t get behind either one of them.

So I consulted the Wise Man.

He can't care either. “I don’t think I’ll see it actually; I’ll probably be at a picnic.”

Oh dear.

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