Hits from China are up thirtyfold since we announced we would censor content offensive to the glorious and just Chinese government just five days ago! Hurrah!

(Also: huh?)

Recently, online media giants Google and Yahoo have come under fire for censoring the Chinese versions of their sites. The media titans argue that the Chinese market is too big to ignore, and to get a piece of that market, they need to observe Chinese law.

Here at the Far-Flung Ryan-Silva Media Empire, we have also realized we need to make some changes in order to get access to the Chinese market. We have long known that the site is banned in Vietnam, and while so far this month we've had 12 hits from Iceland and 21 from India, there has been not a single one from China. As you well know, our content is very compelling, so the only possible explanation is that the Chinese government is blocking our vast potential Chinese audience from accessing the site.

What raises the censors' ire? My best guess is that my write-up of a long-ago trip to Aswan is the problem. There are two things in this piece in particular they might take issue with:

• I say of a monument to Egyptian-Soviet cooperation on the Aswan Dam: "This large, rather unattractive edifice still stands, though both Nasser's revolutionary anti-Western rhetoric and the Soviet Union itself are consigned to the dustbin of history." The phrase "consigned to the dustbin of history" is so cliched as to be unforgiveable. I have to agree with them on this.
  
• I take a couple of shots at socialism, including: "One is supposed to have a special security permit in order to visit the observation ring, because the vantage point is such that one can take militarily significant photographs like the one below. But because of the centrally-planned economy's inability to provide for the population, the caretaker will take you up for about 75 cents."

We are pleased to announce that we will be revising the offending passages, replacing them with:

• "This bold monument will stand forever, just as Taiwan will always be an integral part of China."
  
• "However, because the caretaker is an unscrupulous traitor, like the Dalai Lama, he will take you up for about 75 cents."

We will go ahead and upgrade our web hosting account now, to better handle the traffic we will be getting from now on.

... You do not remake Fight Club as a Bollywood film. This is not what is meant by "all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." In exchange, we will not attempt to remake the greatest music video of all time as a hip-hop caper movie, which would be just as wrong.

Finally, an apology from the man responsible for the shotgun wounds inflicted on 78 year-old Harry Whittington. "My family and I are deeply sorry for everything Vice President Cheney and his family have had to deal with," said 78 year-old Harry Whittington, croaking his words out through a face peppered with birdshot wounds inflicted by Vice President Cheney, "We hope that he will continue to come to Texas and seek the relaxation that he deserves."

It's about time this elderly man, who, during his stay in the intensive care unit, had a heart attack caused by the Vice Presidential gunshot wound, apologized for the trauma he so irresponsibly caused the Vice President and his family. I mean, it is reported that after Cheney and his hunting buddies put Whittington in the ambulance and went in the house to have dinner, the Vice President was "very worried" about the man who was at that moment speeding toward the hospital. How was the Veep supposed to enjoy the foie gras in such a state? And after putting Cheney through that hell, Whittington couldn't even be bothered to publicly apologize until 24 hours after he was released from the hospital!

Still, better late than never. Now if only Saddam would finally apologize for not having weapons of mass destruction, and the budget would say it's sorry for being so absurdly out of balance.

I know a lot of you whiny liberals have been critical of Cheney for this shooting incident, and I just don't understand it. Cut it out! If you keep pressuring him, he'll stop shooting Republicans.

Dick Cheney shot a 78 year-old fellow hunter on a quail-hunting trip this weekend. His spokespeople say it was an accident, and that's probably true. Of course, they said that about Valerie Plame, too, so who knows?

Here's the photo that ABC News is running with its story on the incident:

Look at the gleam in his eye, as if he's thinking, "Man, I could blow me some serious holes in septuagenarians with this baby!"

Now before all you gun-control nuts start taking this as evidence that guns are dangerous, let me just remind you: guns don't shoot people. Vice President Dick Cheney shoots people.

Last night we got hit with what passes in DC for a major snowstorm. Isabel kept hanging around by the door and handing us her coat, so we had to take her out.

I consider my geography to be pretty decent. I know that the capital of Moldova is Chisinau and that the most widely spoken indigenous languages in Nigeria are Yoruba, Ibo, and Hausa. It's true that my self-confidence was recently shaken when I learned to my surprise that they speak Spanish in Equatorial Guinea (who knew?), but on the whole I would rate myself as not too shabby.

So imagine my surprise when I checked the server logs and saw that among the 62 countries from which this site received hits last month were Niue (4 hits) and the Heard and McDonald Islands (18 hits).

I think I've actually heard of Niue, though I wouldn't attempt to pronounce it. The CIA World Factbook says:

Niue's remoteness, as well as cultural and linguistic differences between its Polynesian inhabitants and those of the rest of the Cook Islands, have caused it to be separately administered. The population of the island continues to drop (from a peak of 5,200 in 1966 to about 2,150 in 2005), with substantial emigration to New Zealand, 2,400 km to the southwest.

Four hits out of 2,150 residents may not sound like great exposure, but given that we got only one hit out of the whole of China last month, I'll take it. I am pleased that Niue's cultural and linguistic differences don't prevent its inhabitants from enjoying a quality toilet sign when they see one. Welcome Niueans!

While I think I've heard of Niue, I am confident that I have never in my life been even marginally aware of the existence of the Heard and McDonald Islands. According to the CIA World Factbook:

These uninhabited, barren, sub-Antarctic islands were transferred from the UK to Australia in 1947. Populated by large numbers of seal and bird species, the islands have been designated a nature preserve.

We got 18 hits from an uninhabited island! Not bad. Not specified in the factbook is whether the CIA believes the Heardian and McDonaldian bird and seal species possess weapons of mass destruction; presumably it's classified.

Isabel celebrates her heritage by eating one of her new favorites.

Baby's first sushi.

Whose Embassy do I need to burn down to get newspapers to stop publishing Family Circus?

If a guy comes to your door and offers to give you a cheap tattoo with a homemade device made from a sewing machine needle and some electrical tape, don't take him up on it! It turns out it isn't a good idea.