Have I really never linked to this before? If "Twin Cobra Fist" doesn't make you laugh out loud, you need to watch more kung-fu movies. For that matter, we all need to watch more kung-fu movies.

Like many other media organizations this week, the Washington Post is reporting that new documents show that the US military has been "taking into custody" the wives of suspected insurgents in an attempt to get them to turn themselves in. It's been justifiably getting a lot of attention because it's a despicable practice. What I don't understand is that everyone is treating it as a newsworthy revelation, even though the Washington Post published an article in July 2003 -- and I noted it here at the time -- quoting a US commander openly saying that he was doing this:

Col. David Hogg, commander of the 2nd Brigade of the 4th Infantry Division, said tougher methods are being used to gather the intelligence. On Wednesday night, he said, his troops picked up the wife and daughter of an Iraqi lieutenant general. They left a note: "If you want your family released, turn yourself in." Such tactics are justified, he said, because, "It's an intelligence operation with detainees, and these people have info." They would have been released in due course, he added later.

Electrified by the experience of going down the plastic slide in her fleece jacket. I had a hairdo like this in the 80's.

Carrying (someone else's) ball around the park.

Bundled up against the frigid 58 degree DC winter.

Isabel pushes her own stroller home.

We called out for pizza tonight and the woman who took the order was in India. It kind of made me hungry for Indian food instead.

Driving up from Richmond on Route 395 today, I was intrigued by a sign hung over the roadway:

SPEED MONITORED BY RADAR AND OTHER ELECTRICAL DEVICES

For me, this conjures the black-and-white image of a disgraced scientist tinkering with a Tesla coil, bent on a mad scheme to determine how fast I'm going. It is clear that someone took a great deal of care in selecting these words, but why? As a government contractor, I ask that question a lot, but this is an extreme case.

Is this formulation meant to have special deterrent power? "There's a cop up ahead, but he's probably just using the sonar of trained bats to figure out how fast I'm going, and what judge is going to accept the testimony of trained bats? What's that? They're using unspecified electrical devices? I better slow down!"

Is someone from Homeland Security just trying to withhold as much information as possible? "I can disclose that we are monitoring the speed of certain vehicles of interest. How? Well, let's just say it's electrical."

I am inclined to get a bumper sticker:

SPEED LIMIT VIOLATED BY CARS AND OTHER INTERNAL COMBUSTION VEHICLES

This just in from our Australian Women's Weekly Recipe Reviewer and Squirrel Affairs Correspondent:

Vagn Flyger, 83, a retired wildlife biologist at the University of Maryland who became a leading authority on squirrels after documenting what was dubbed the "Great Squirrel Migration of 1968," died Jan. 9 at his home in Silver Spring. He had congestive heart failure.
...
From his home, which bordered Northwest Branch Park, he lured squirrels by smearing trees with a mixture of peanut butter and Valium*. He collected the rodents he found passed out and tagged them with radio transmitters for further observation.
...
Sometimes he kept squirrels as pets, and sometimes he just ate them, once telling a visitor that they made a piquant substitute in any chicken recipe.
...
His marriage... ended in divorce.

Take from this whatever relationship advice you will.

In other squirrel news, researchers have discovered that Spermophilus beldingi, the squirrel species most commonly made fun of in high school for its scientific name, has another trait predisposing it to get its head flushed in the toilet after gym class: an individually identifiable odor eminating from its mouth, feet, and anus. Poor Spermophilus beldingi.

[Dr. Jill M. Mateo, an assistant professor in the department of comparative human development at the University of Chicago and much sought-after dinner party conversationalist] previously showed that squirrels recognize kin, but the new work suggests that they can "tell the difference between Sue and Mary." Each source - glands next to the mouth, back, feet, anus and above the eyes - has a different smell, she said, but each is tied to the individual. "Five different odors say, 'Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue,' " she said.

Interestingly, this last observation is also true of lawyers.


*"Your valium is in my peanut butter!" "Your peanut butter is in my valium!"

Going for a drive at the park.

Pat Robertson can always be relied on for incisive commentary on current events, and now he has declared that Ariel Sharon's stroke is divine punishment for having ceded Gaza to the Palestinian Authority:

"God considers this land to be his," Robertson said on his TV program "The 700 Club." "You read the Bible and he says `This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, `No, this is mine.'"

"No! Mine!" Sometimes God takes the form of a six year-old boy fighting with little Timmy from next door over a blue Power Ranger action figure; this is so that we can better understand Him.

You have to admit this is the most likely scenario. If an overweight 78 year-old with arguably the world's most stressful job has a stroke, surely it is God's punishment for screwing Him in a real estate deal. What other explanation could there be?

There are always those among the heathens who would challenge the Word of Robertson, but Robertson's vast Christocapitalist organization has a ready response for them:

Robertson spokeswoman Angell Watts said of critics who challenged his remarks, "What they're basically saying is, `How dare Pat Robertson quote the Bible?'"

"This is what the word of God says," Watts said. "This is nothing new to the Christian community."

No, sadly it isn't.

Comments should be working again.

I earlier reported that Isabel’s first word was “shut”, which she repeated while opening and shutting doors one day. She hasn’t used it since, though, so it’s open to some interpretation.

We just got back from spending the holidays in Omaha, where a neighbor of Julie’s mother had erected a giant University of Nebraska football mascot on his front lawn. Isabel became fascinated with it, and stared at it from the couch for extended periods while jumping up and down in glee. At one point we took her out to shake hands with the mascot, which she did with a complex mix of fear and awe.

On the night of the 30th, with Julie’s extended family at the house, Isabel kept repeating the sound “us-ka” and pointing to the window.

I’m rather afraid I have to pause for a moment to explain the genealogy of Nebraska football mascots. From 1964 until 1972, the mascot was Harry Husker. In 1974, Herbie Husker was introduced. He was replaced in the early 1990’s by the current mascot, “Li’l Red”. The inflatable on the neighbor’s lawn was an effigy of Li’l Red, but in our ignorance we were referring to him as Harry Husker.

Isabel was calling out to Harry Husker: “Us-ka”.

Staring out the window at Li'l Red, AKA "Us-ka".

This was a complex and surprising development. We discussed and debated it at length, and during a pause in our conversation, Isabel quite clearly and distinctly pronounced:

“Basketball.”

We haven’t been able to get her to repeat it since. It may be a fluke, or Isabel may be destined for the UNL women’s basketball team.